My Dad

I'll see my dad this week. I've seen him probably 4 times in the last 28 years. I don't know how to feel about it. It really wasn't by his choice but I can't not blame him for some of it. Since I've found out I've gone to being okay with it..to being that lost little girl without a dad to back to being somewhat okay. I mean I wouldn't be the same person I am today without growing up the way I did.
My uncle Don filled that spot for me. He took me in and I was a part of that family. I thank God for that man and his wife every single day.
I see Paul with his girls and mine and see that father-daughter bound and think what if???
We'll see though..............

in my head...

Okay as I sit here freezing (cuz Max the Kittie decided to wake me up way to early on a Saturday morning) I have random thoughts.

Brought on by me stealing one of the kids toaster strudels..never mind the fact that my butt gained weight over the holidays. I go to the toaster all drooling and when I try and open the icing package I ended up tearing the whole little package open and dropping one icing pack on the floor. Well I sometimes learn from my mistakes and grab the kitchen scissors for the next one. I clip the end and it plops out onto the chemical process that is my breakfast. I look at the box and wonder who in the heck had the time to do the icing like that??? and why? I wonder lots of stuff sometimes about advertising and the box that things come in...Can we say they have false advertising?? I've never made those orgasmic noises when using Herbal Essence shampoo...Calgon has never taken me away..

Well my mind wandering helped this morning by the time I had my stolen breakfast ready and took that first bite..it tasted like sugar cardboard crap..saved my butt!

Turning 40

Okay tomorrow is the day I turn 40. I've been thinking about it like a vain woman. Thinking more wrinkles will crease my face and those grays I've been fighting for years will start to outnumber Miss Clairol. But..I've reached a peace with it. I thought today of all the changes I've been through in the last ten years...lost a ton of weight, gained three children, met the man I love with all my heart, finished one degree and working now on something else.

Oprah says it well with this "At 40, something magical happens to you--something liberating and rejuvenating and exhilarating. You acquire a healthy disregard for what other people think. You gain the confidence to define yourself boldly and on your own terms. You don't accept anyone else's judgments but your own. In short, you stop living your life for other people and start living it for yourself. The force is with you because, at long last, it is in you."

I'm looking forward to this! I've always said yes to things when I knew I would have been better off to say NO! I have just never wanted to hurt any ones feelings or make them take on more. Now I'm discovering who I AM! I am healthier now than I've been in years. I am trying to stop the bad habit that I've hung onto. Here's to forty! Bring it on!

What have I signed up for??

Okay today was my first official day of class. I wasn't the oldest! whoohoo to that. I did see some interesting kids taking the cosmo class. One had this purple hair that I was just fascinated with. But then I like shiny things so I'm easily entertained. I don't know if I'm ready to go with the purple hair but stay tuned. You know me..it may happen.

I had a friend who has made me see the light of day on my smoking. Thanks friend. You know who you are. I tried to quit cold turkey yesterday and about kicked random strangers. So I'm cutting back majorly trying to STOP it. I did better than normal. I hadn't realized just how much I was smoking. BAD. I will stop! It ticks me off that I couldn't just stop. I am the kinda person who usually just decides something and does it. Drat it.

I need to be getting more water up off my bathroom floor. Nicholas my four year old put a car down the potty and flushed away. Needless to say we are flooded! Even after the wet vac got in there. He's a cutey patootie. So that kinda makes up for it. :P

Where I'm at Now

I've been thinking about doing a blog and the girls from Goodreads have all contributed to me doing one. I might not have alot to say but everyone needs a place to ramble.
I go tomorrow to sign up for more school. You would think at my age that I'd be past all that but so what? I loved being in school and I have the opportunity to do it so I'm going for it. I have the best husband who supports me in everything I want to conquer. It's taken me awhile to make this decision but I know I'm not happy in the job I have currently. I'm a nurse at a dermatologist's office and recently it was hinted that my personality didn't mess with what my provider was wanting. I'm too old to let someone tell me that! I'm outspoken and outgoing. I believe the patients deserve to be listened to! If they want to tell someone what's wrong I think they deserve that right. I can't look at them as just a number. I love them all and that's why I signed up for nursing. I hate that it's coming down to how many people you can squeeze in each day. Numbers aren't as important as people are. So as I get closer to 40 it's time to do something that I would enjoy. I decided on a cosmetologist because I can talk to the clients and not have to rush them out the door. It's going to be my time. Not about the money.